Solution-Focused Relational Therapy

Solution-focused relational therapy can change your life by helping you identify and build on your strengths and resources. It encourages you to focus on practical solutions to your challenges, fostering a more positive and constructive mindset. This approach can lead to quicker and more effective positive change in every area of your life.

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​Improving relationships creates more success in life. Applying scientific discoveries in neuroscience to counseling can speed up the process of getting unstuck and open the door to fulfillment and joy. The brain is remarkably efficient, saving time and energy by predicting how we should respond to a situation based on past (often unconscious) learning. This can cause problems when our predictions are wrong. 

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We begin by examining the effectiveness of your relationships to this point and uncover areas needing improvement. Behaviors that cause problems are often unconscious because you've been doing them for so long. You didn't learn them by accident. They were a brilliant adaptation to our childhood. Basically, you were programmed. However, what worked in childhood is often not as effective in adulthood. When we focus on being nice at the expense of being authentic or bully and manipulate people to get what we want, we are undermining our connection and driving them away.

The good news is your emotions are your guidance system and your brain is highly adaptable. When anger, sadness, depression, anxiety, fear or resentment show up, listen to them. They are your body's wisdom speaking. They are trying to communicate with you. They provide you with valuable information about what needs to change. Take a moment to consider the following:

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• Are you generally satisfied in your relationships?

• Do you feel heard?

• Do you feel safe to show up as your real self?

• Do you feel understood?

• Are you pursuing your interests and talents?

• Do you feel like you matter?

• Are you able to say no when you want to say no?

• Are you able to say yes only when you truly want to say yes?

• Are your thoughts about you harsh and judgemental?

• Do you speak kindly to yourself?

• Are you your own best friend?

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Believing that we have to be a certain way to be loved and accepted is an immature way of seeking love. It's how children learn to please and get their needs met. It's being "good" at the expense of being real. You are unique for a reason. The world needs your one unique presence and contribution. It's your job is to show up as your best self and when you do, the world will fall in love with you. Authenticity is irresistible.

Like an athlete improving their game, you can change habits and behaviors that no longer serve you. Understanding how the brain works and harnessing its ability to change can transform your life.​ 

How do you currently operate and what do you believe?

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• Other peoples’ needs are more important than my own.

• I feel angry, resentful and unappreciated.

• I find temporary relief from my demands and frustrations by turning to addictive behaviors that provide escape, like overeating, alcohol, illegal substances, excessive sex, television, gaming, gambling, porn, compulsive shopping or taking exercising and working to extremes. 

• I want to be with the people I love and care about, but when I’m with them I want to get away from them.

• I can’t seem to please my partner.

• I can’t do anything right.

• I’m not smart enough.

• I’m lazy.

• There’s something wrong with me.

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These beliefs can run in our minds on autopilot and were usually scripted when we were very young or in a highly emotional situation. But are they accurate? Are they true? Are they helpful? Where did you learn them? Is there another possibility?

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As children, we were loved imperfectly by imperfect, mostly well-meaning adults who had their own stresses and challenges. Children are powerless and dependent and can't image the possibility that their caretakers are flawed. So when things go off the rails, they automatically assume there is something wrong with them and they will do whatever they need to do to survive. Be good, be demanding, be silent.

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Coming into healthy relationship with ourselves and others begins with self-compassion. We have done the best we could considering how we were loved and raised. And the same is true of our parents. Learn from the past, accept it. But you don't have to live there any more. You are now a full-grown adult and when you know better you can do better.

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My sincere desire is to help you create a life that brings you joy. That starts with compassion for yourself and for others. There is nothing that harshness can do that kindness can't do better. We all fall short at times. What matters is that you keep going. Learning to treat yourself the way you would treat someone you love is transformational.

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Meaningful connections are vital not only to our happiness and health, but to our very survival. We rely on others for virtually everything. When we learn to create mutually respectful and beneficial relationships we lift the energy of our families, communities and our planet.

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Creativity is the spice of life. It makes work fun, play even more fun, improves our lives and keeps relationships sizzling and content. Finding your unique talents and creative expression and sharing them with others is your birthright and duty.

​We can do more that just endure our current relationships and lives. Our brains and bodies are capable of change to the degree that we apply ourselves in ways that work, while keeping the focus on what matters.

​Let's get rid of anything that's been getting in your way and replace it with skills for success and happiness.

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Working with a counselor is a big decision. It's entering into a relationship with someone based on mutual trust and authenticity. It's sharing innermost hopes, fears and dreams. I want you to be absolutely comfortable with me before starting this journey of personal growth. I want you to ask me any questions regarding the process and my approach so that you are sure I am the right therapist for you.

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Are you ready to transform your life and create lasting positive change? I'm here to help you identify your strengths and resources, focus on practical solutions to your challenges, and develop a more positive and constructive mindset. At the heart of my approach is a deep belief in the power of compassion, connection and creativity to help you achieve the quality of life and relationships you deserve.

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Therapy is a life changing event. If you're ready, let's get in touch.

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